TailMon: I can't even believe I wrote this. I angsted. I NEVER angst. 
*glares at her muses* WHO is responsible for this?

Yamato: *points to the newbie* Ken.

Ken: I didn't do it on purpose!

TailMon: *groans* Why me? Anyway, this was supposed to be a one-shot, 
but I'm not sure what to do with it, so I need feedback.



Old Scars


 Tai slipped through the woods, leaving the other children sleeping by
the fire. They would be safe. He'd left Agumon there to watch over them.
After a few minutes, he reached the clearing he'd found when he'd checked
out the area earlier. Slumping to the ground, he leaned back against a
tree and pulled off the black brace that covered his left arm from wrist
to elbow.

 He told everyone it was to support his wrist. He claimed it was an old
soccer injury. Only his family knew the truth, and they wouldn't tell
anyone. Kari cared about him too much to do anything that might hurt him,
and his parents were horrified at the thought of anyone knowing that their
son was so unbalanced.

 Putting the black brace down on the ground, he traced a finger along the
old scar trailing from his wrist almost to his elbow. He only had to cover
the left arm, because Kari had walked in on him before he could do the
same to the right. He could still remember the look on her face as she 
took in the sight of her brother, arm sliced open, blood pooling on the
floor around him. He could still hear her scream ringing in his ears.

 No matter what he did, he hurt someone. He had been an accident. His
parents hadn't been ready for a child. They didn't know what to do with
him. So they fed him and clothed him, and paid his doctor bills, but not
much else. By the time Kari had come along, they had adjusted to it. With
Kari, they were loving and caring, always keeping an eye out for her. She
was their darling baby. Their sweet little girl. Tai was basically a live-
in babysitter they didn't have to pay.

 Tai didn't resent Kari for it. He couldn't. It was impossible not to love
Kari. It wasn't her fault. There must have been something he could have
done that would have let his parents accept him and love him. Something 
he could have said. He had just messed up. Like always. 

 Tai's fingers ran along the ridges of other old scars, each one standing
for a time he'd made a particularly horrible mistake. They stopped at the
worst scar, the one representing the time he'd let Kari get so sick. He
still felt the guilt of that one screw-up. He'd been selfish, and he'd
hurt Kari.

 Reaching into his pocket, Tai pulled out a small penknife and flipped 
it open. He'd screwed up again today. He'd made the wrong decision and
he'd nearly gotten them all killed. If Matt hadn't showed up and taken
out Puppetmon, they would have been. 

Matt.

 Something else to feel guilty about. The boy who always contradicted 
him. The boy who always fought with him. The boy who made his life heaven
and hell all at once. The boy he loved.

The boy who had left them.

 Tai hadn't been paying enough attention. He'd gotten too distracted by
T.K. Matt had just faded into the forest, and Tai hadn't even noticed.
He hadn't realized Matt was gone until T.K. asked where his brother was.
He hadn't been able to find Matt until he'd come back on his own, to
fight Tai. He had felt so betrayed... But he had no right. It had to be
his own fault. There must have been something he could have done.

 Using the tip of the knife, Tai scraped away the scab over a healing
cut, then sliced down into it, reopening it. He hissed with pain, but
didn't hesitate as the wound began bleeding freely. Tai looked down at
the bleeding cut with sad eyes.

"Matt... I failed you. I'm sorry," he whispered. 

 Trailing the knife over his arm, Tai found a clear space, and bore 
down, cutting into the smooth skin. Involuntary tears of pain ran down
his face, but he ignored them. He welcomed the pain, he reveled in it.
It was what he deserved.

"Everyone... I failed you. I almost got you KILLED. I'm sorry."

 After a short while, Tai stood up. He had just about enough time to
clean up and get back before his watch ended. Tai quickly made his way
to a small stream nearby and dipped his arm into the water, watching
as it washed away the blood. The blood, but not the mistakes.

"Tai?"

 That voice... It couldn't be. Was he hallucinating? Tai spun around,
eyes wide. He hadn't been hearing things. There, right in front of 
him, stood Matt. Terrified amber met shocked cerulean.

"Matt..." 

 Tai quickly got ahold of himself, and swung his left arm up behind 
his head to hide it, his face assuming it's usual cheerful mask.

"Hey, what're you doing here, man? I thought you had to, y'know, find
yourself or something."

"I did. Looks like I found you instead," Matt replied, head tilting 
to one side. His sky-blue eyes narrowed as they took in the red drops
on the ground, and the fact that Tai's arm was still up behind his 
head. "Where are the others?"

"Oh, they're all back at camp. I just dropped by here to clean up,
Agumon was complaining about the smell. He's keeping an eye out for
me."

 Matt's face showed disbelief as he stepped closer to Tai. "You're
lying to me."

 Tai blinked at him innocently. "Huh? Agumon is back with the others,
honest."

"That's not what I mean, Tai, and you know it!" Matt snapped, stalking
up to the other boy. Tai twitched slightly and tried to move back, but
Matt was too fast, and the blond boy grabbed Tai's arm and pulled it
out into the open. Cerulean blue eyes widened in shock and horror.

"Tai... what have you been doing to yourself?"

"What, this?" Tai stammered, mind racing, trying to think of a way out.
"I had an argument with some bushes and lost, that's all. You know what
a klutz I am."

"Tai, what kind of an idiot do you take me for? These are way too deep
to be from bushes, and you've got a bunch of scars. Now tell me the truth!"
Matt demanded angrily. Tai spat angrily, trying to twist away from Matt,
but the other boy held firm.

"What the hell do you care?! You fought me, tried to kill me, and then
you just LEFT! No explanation, no nothing! You just ran off! I never got
a chance to try to fix things, to make it right! I didn't even know what
I did wrong!"

 Matt stared at him, confused. "What you did wrong? It wasn't anything 
you did, I just needed some time alone to straighten myself out. Why do
you think it was something you did?"

"Something I did, something I didn't do, it's still my fault. It's always
my fault," Tai replied, his knees folding under him as he collapsed to the
ground, his wrist still in Matt's grasp. Matt kneeled down beside him, a
shocked expression on his face.

"Tai, what are you talking about? Listen to me, it WASN'T your fault! It
wasn't anybody's fault, I just needed some time."

"It WAS!" Tai insisted, curling into a ball and rocking back and forth.
"My fault, always my fault, I messed up again, there must have been SOME
thing I could've done, something I did wrong..." 

 Tai's voice trailed off into a low murmur that Matt couldn't make out,
his amber eyes glazed and distant. Matt took him by the shoulders and shook
him roughly, trying to snap him out of it. Tai just continued rocking back
and forth, mumbling to himself, no longer seeming to register the other
boy's presence.

"Tai! Look at me! Tai! Taichi!"

 Tai whimpered faintly and drew back, looking frightened. Matt cursed 
under his breath.

"Real bright, Matt. Yell at him and use his full name. JUST the way to
make him feel better," Matt muttered to himself. Taking a deep breath,
Matt forced himself to calm down. Loosening his grip on Tai's 
shoulders,
Matt wrapped his arms around the other boy, cradling him gently.

"Tai? Come on, Tai, come back to me. I know you're in there. Onegai, snap
out of it, Tai."

 A shudder ran through Tai's body and he relaxed all at once, collapsing
into Matt's arms. Matt hugged him, then tilted Tai's head up.

"Tai? Are you alright? Talk to me."

"I... Matt? I...think I'm okay now."

 Matt sighed with relief, hugging Tai fiercely. "You scared me half to
death! Why didn't you TELL anyone about this!?"

 Tai flinched. "I'm sorry, Matt, I didn't mean to scare you! And I didn't
want anyone to worry. Besides, my parents don't want anyone to know. I'm
sorry, I really am, Matt, I should've-"

 Matt gave Tai a light shake to halt the flood of self-recrimination. "Tai,
it's okay. I'm just worried about you. You're hurting, and I want to help."

"You, you want to help... me?" Tai asked wonderingly. "But, but I'm 
responsible, I'm the leader, I have to-"

"You have to heal yourself," Matt interrupted. "Otherwise you'll snap,
and where will we be? Minus a leader and a friend."



tbc...


TailMon: The problem here is this. Should I involve the others, or 
just leave this between Tai and Matt? I'm not sure.