Author:  pulsar (pulsar03@juno.com)
Title:  Tea Time With Quatre
Category:  Humor
Warnings: Relena bashing, humorous death, reference to 1+2
Archive:  All my GW stuff will eventually be at the following sites:  
The Yaoi Collection (www.yaoicollection.com), Black Ice
(www.fortunecity.com/athena/nightingale/236), and Yummy Yummy Yaoi!  A
Buffet of Bishounen! (http://simon_the_duck.tripod.com/Yaoi/)  If anyone
wants to archive my stuff, just ask me.  Contrary to popular belief, I
don't bite.  ...well, not much.  ^_~
Disclaimer:  GW is not mine.
Notes:  For bow_ryu (ryu chan) who wanted to see a humorous deathfic. 
Dedicated to my wonderfluffle beta reader, Rayamon.  Further notes
following the fic.




        "…And then he kissed him!" the blonde girl sobbed hysterically.

        "There, there, Relena," Quatre comforted. "Have some tea…. Let it
all out."

        Relena sobbed some more. Her mascara ran all down her face. She
sniffed and took the proffered teacup. "Thanks so much, Quatre." She took
a sip and sniffed again. Quatre handed her a tissue, which she gratefully
accepted. "I just don't understand it! Why would he want someone who
calls himself the God of Death when he could have someone like me?! What
kind of moron chooses a delusional psychopath over a sweet, demure…
What’s the word I'm looking for?…"

        "Stalker with a death wish?" Quatre suggested.

        "No…"

        "Psycho hose-beast?" (1)

        "You're not being very helpful anymore!"

        "I'm sorry. Here, have some more tea." Quatre poured some more
Earl Grey into her cup. "Would you like some milk in your tea, Relena?"

        "No thank you."

        "It tastes much better that way. Try it, I insist." Quatre dumped
some milk in her teacup.

        Relena sipped at her tea.

        "Isn't it much better with milk?"

        "It’s good." Relena sipped again, then paused. "Quatre, if you
think it’s so good with the milk, why don't you have any in your tea?"
Relena looked confused. Suddenly, her eyes grew wide and she made
sputtering noises.

        "What’s the matter, Miss Relena?" Quatre asked with a smirk.

        Relena dropped her cup and collapsed onto the floor. Quatre took
another sip of his tea and grinned. Just then, Wufei walked in.

        "Dammit, Quatre, not again!"

        "It was an accident." Quatre smiled evilly.

        Wufei shook his head and picked up the body. "This is the last
time I help you get rid of the body! And no more theatre for you EVER,
you understand?!"

        Quatre nodded sadly. "Okay, Wufei." He sat there glumly for a
moment, then poured another cup of tea and smiled brightly at Wufei,
offering him the cup. "Would you like some tea?"


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(1)  Good lord, how I love Waynes World...  ^_^  There was this chick
stalking Wayne and he was SOOOO not interested but she couldn't seem to
understand that.  They called her a psycho hose-beast, and... well, it
seemed to fit.

Notes cont.:  I got the idea for this from my school's fall play,
_Arsenic and Old Lace_.  For those of you unfamiliar with the play, two
sweet old ladies (Abby and Martha) poison lonely people to send them to a
better place.  They put the poison in wine because when it's put into
tea, "it has a distinct odor".  The poisoned tea line and the humorous
deathfic request morphed together in my mind and this is what popped out.  
Feedback, pretty please?

-pulsar