Author:  pulsar (pulsar03@juno.com)
Title:  Fall
Category:  Drama, I suppose.  Yes, everyone, you read correctly, pulsar
wrote something that is not humor and not romance!  *twilight zone music
plays*
Warnings:  AU, Relena POV.  Yaoi and het couples mentioned.  Former 1+R+1
(but don't let that discourage you from reading!), former semi H+1,
former H+some random guy, former R+the same random guy, current 1+2+1,
1x2.
Archive:  If anyone wants it, I'm more than happy to let you have it,
just drop me a line and let me know where you're putting it.  I am
currently being archived at The Yaoi Collection (www.yaoicollection.com ), 
Black Ice (www.fortunecity.com/athena/nightingale/236 ),Yummy Yummy Yaoi!  
A Buffet of Bishounen! (http://simon_the_duck.tripod.com/Yaoi ), Shinigami's
Faithful's site (http://gboytoys.stormpages.com), and partially archived
at Duo Maxwell's site (http://www.operationshinigami.darkgod.net/)
Disclaimer:  GW is not mine.  Relena's situation is.
Author's notes:  This is a Relena POV based on a RL situation.  It was
betad by Marianbri.  Thanks Marianbri!
Feedback:  I would LOVE to hear what you thought of my fic!



Fall

        I loved him once. I think deep down inside, a small part of me
always will. But the love I have for him now is different, like the way I
care about my best friend.

        When we were together, I was the envy of everyone. I liked that.
It’s a horrible thing to say, but I admit it. I like it when people are
jealous of me. It means I must have something wonderful. And I did. He
was such a gentleman, always polite, opening doors for me, helping me
carry things, giving me flowers just because he thought I would like
them, and a million other things that seemed like they were straight out
of old-time movies.

        Everyone thought I was a fool to let him go. I guess I was, to
some extent. He was wonderful. I didn’t deserve someone like that. He was
as close to perfect as a man could get, and I was unworthy. I didn’t get
to see him as much as I would have liked to, and absence doesn’t always
make the heart grow fonder. I didn’t cheat on him, but I was tempted to.
And in my mind, if I couldn’t give him my entire heart, with none left
over for other men, then I shouldn’t be with him. I should set him free
to be with someone who would love him and only him.

        He was hurt by my decision. So was I. But we got over it, and
dated other people again. It didn’t work. I was never as happy as when I
was with him, and I think he felt the same way about me. But we didn’t
try to date each other again. It didn’t work the first time, and we held
no illusions about it working a second time.

        We’re friends now. Not the best of friends, but better friends
than most exes tend to be. Our friendship is almost entirely due to our
mutual friend, Duo. He and I met our freshman year, around the time my
relationship with Heero was falling apart. Duo and I weren’t the best of
friends at first, mostly due to the fact that Duo and Dorothy, my best
friend, couldn’t stand each other. But their feelings towards each other
never interfered with my friendships with either of them, so it was okay.
Not that I wouldn’t have preferred that they were friends, but tolerance
was better than unbridled hatred.

        Dorothy moved at the end of our sophomore year, and Duo and I
became better friends. Actually, best friends. We’d probably be more, if
we were interested in each other. However, our interests lie elsewhere.
…Which is what makes our lives so damn complicated.

        Heero and Duo live just down the street from each other, so it’s
only natural that they would hang out. And, what with hormones and doors
that lock, I suppose it was only natural for them to end up doing more
than hanging out. Still, it was quite a shock to me to learn that my best
friend had taken my ex-boyfriend’s virginity. When Duo confessed that to
me, I couldn’t breathe. It didn’t really bother me that they liked each
other, but who wants to hear about her ex having sex with her best
friend? Nothing against either of them, but I’d rather not picture two of
my good friends having sex, no matter how attractive they are.

        And then, since I’m Duo’s best friend, he started asking my
advice. Not on bedroom activities, thank God, not that I’d be much help
with that anyway, but on what to do about their relationship. It turned
out that Heero was in love with Duo, and Duo was scared.

        "I don’t know what to do!" Duo sounded as if he might have an
anxiety attack. His eyes were wide and his voice was earnest. It hurt me
to see him like that, my confident, self-assured Duo scared to death of
falling for Heero.

        "You think you might be falling for him?" I had to know how he
felt, even though I felt uncomfortable giving advice on the subject.

        "Yeah," Duo admitted, nodding.

        "My advice…" I was unsure of how to put it. It was one of the
toughest things I’ve ever had to say. It was right up there with breaking
up with Heero. "Let yourself fall."

        I know it seems strange that I would advise my best friend to go
out with my ex. I knew it would probably cause uncomfortable situations,
though it was rather uncomfortable already, what with the confession of
their bedroom activities. But I knew they would be happy together, and if
my friends are happy together, then it’s worth me getting a little
squicked. I told Duo to fall because I knew Heero would be there to catch
him. I knew because I had fallen for him first, and he had never failed
to catch me.

        They’re together now. And that may have an unintended double
meaning. I don’t know what they’re doing right now, and I’d rather not
interrupt them if they’re doing what I think they’re probably doing.

        Hilde thinks I’m insane for not being bothered by Heero and Duo’s
relationship, though I think her feelings are partly due to the fact that
she used to have a slight crush on Heero and that she and Duo don’t get
along well. I don’t know how Duo does it, but he somehow manages to be
hated by nearly all of my friends. You wouldn’t think someone so
charismatic could be so widely despised, but I suppose Duo is just
naturally gifted at pissing off certain people. It’s probably because
what he lacks in tact is made up for in how loudly he expresses his
opinions. Hilde is not too dreadfully fond of Duo. I’ll admit, he can be
a bit too frank at times, but nobody is perfect. I’ve tried to get them
to get along together, but it just didn’t work.

        Hilde’s opinion of Duo was worsened when I told her that Duo and
Heero were dating. I think she was overreacting, though. After all, it
isn’t the first time in history that someone has dated his ex’s friend.
For what it’s worth, once I dated one of Hilde’s exes. …But he was a
creep, and we’re not going to talk about him any longer. Still, if Hilde
and I can remain friends after both briefly dating the same jackass, I
don’t know how she can hate Duo for dating a wonderful man of whom Hilde
and I both approve.

        Don’t get me wrong, this story isn’t about my friends hating Duo.
And this story isn’t about me being selfless and wonderful by encouraging
their relationship. This isn’t about me at all. I didn’t tell this story
so I would come off as kind and helpful and perfect, or as a sort of
victim of my friends’ hormones. I told this story so I could let Heero
go.

        I loved him once. I always will. But Duo loves him more. So
here’s to Heero and Duo. May your love live forever, my friends, and may
you always fall. I know you will catch each other.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

-pulsar