Author's note: Okay, this is a lil Kensuke I wrote. Daisuke needs to see a shrink, for a reason which is revealed in the fic. The shrink is from America. She moved to Japan and opened a practice there. (It's my story. Humor me.) This is in alternating viewpoints. Starts with Dai-chan and the shrink. Later Ken joins the story. It should be fairly obvious who is speaking when. This is my first Kensuke, so I would really love some feedback. Also, I say that Daisuke Motomiya means big help and true shrine, which I'm fairly certain is correct, but I may have mixed the meanings up, being semi dyslexic and very forgetful. If I'm wrong, please let me know. Thanks. Thanks to: amaresu for helping with the idea and beta-ing the fic, and to anyone who lets me know if they like my story. Disclaimer: If I owned Digimon, why would I sit around writing crappy fanfics? "Daisuke Needs A Shrink" by pulsar I can’t believe I have to see a shrink. *********************************** My 12:30 flops down on the couch. My secretary Carol hands me his file. He glances up at me as I walk into my office and close the door behind me. *********************************** Doctor McKenzie smiles at me. I turn away and busy myself staring at the ceiling. *********************************** He’s staring at the ceiling. So far, we’re off to a wonderful start. *********************************** I can see her in the corner of my eyes. Why’s she still looking at me?! ********************************** Now he’s crossing his arms and staring pointedly away from me. Great, another sullen one. Well, I guess we’d better begin. I clear my throat. He still won’t look at me. *********************************** She thinks I’m gonna talk to her just cause she has a degree from some stupid school? I’m not gonna talk to anyone about this! ********************************* I sit down. “So...” I open his file and glance at his name. “Motomiya Daisuke... May I call you Daisuke?” He shrugs. “Shall I take that as a ‘yes’?” He shrugs again. “My, aren’t we rather articulate today?” He still stares at the ceiling. “There are 195 tiles up there.” Finally, he looks at me. He looks at me like I’m crazier than my patients, but at least he’s looking at me. “I once treated someone with obsessive compulsive disorder. He counted everything. Do you do that?” He shakes his head. “What do you do, Daisuke?” ********************************** Why won’t she just leave me alone? Why won’t they all just leave me alone? “I don’t wanna talk about it!” ********************************* Why are the young ones always so angry? I don’t sayanything for a moment, and he becomes visibly calmer. ******************************** I probably shouldn’t yell at her. It’s her job. She only wants to help. “Isn’t it in my file, anyway?” She shakes her head and gives me a smile. ******************************** “No, Daisuke, all it says is that you’re becoming increasingly distant and angry and no one can reach you. Not your parents, not your sister, not your school psychologist, not even your friends.” ********************************* “My friends are the problem!” Oh, shit, did I say that? She clicks the end of her pen and writes in her little notebook. Oh, shit, I did say that. ********************************** “What exactly do you mean by that?” I ask, noting that he seems upset that he revealed this to me. ******************** “Nothing. I don’t wanna talk about it.” Dammit, how could I let that slip?! ********************* “Alright, we don’t have to talk about it.” He looks at me, astounded. “We don’t have to talk about anything, if you don’t want to, although you might feel better if you did.” ********* “Fat chance,” I mumble. She smiles again and walks to her desk. She rummages noisily through the drawers. “What are you doing?” *********** I hold out a candy bar to him. “You hungry?” He begins to shake his head, but reaches out and takes the offered chocolate. I pull out a second bar and take a bite from it. He follows suit with his bar. ************ Maybe this isn’t so bad. Doctor McKenzie’s pretty nice after all. I don’t have to talk about it and she gives me candy. “So what _are_ we gonna talk about, Doctor McKenzie?” ********** I shrug. “I dunno. Whatever you’d like. And call me Lorelei.” He raises his left eyebrow. “I know it’s not very professional, but I want you to be comfortable around me.” ********* “That’s not why I was surprised.” She looks at me questioningly and takes a seat in her leather chair. “Your name is...” ************ “Weird?” I finish for him. He nods. “I know. I’ve always liked it, though. Do you know what it means?” He shakes his head and sits up, facing me. I walk to my bookshelf and locate a leather-bound book written in German. As I speak, I flip through the pages, trying to pinpoint a picture which I know is in that volume. “Well, the Lorelei was a beautiful woman in German mythology who stood on cliffs and sang to the sailors in the Rhine river below. Her voice was so beautiful, they would steer straight into the rocks at the foot of the cliff in an attempt to be near her.” I find the picture and hold the book out to him. He stares at the drawing of a tall, bewitching woman with long flowing hair standing atop a cliff, her mouth open in a song. “She was a lot like the Sirens of Greek mythology, except the Sirens were ugly. The Lorelei was beautiful beyond compare. Beautiful and evil.” ************ Beautiful and evil. Her words echo in my mind. “Ken,” I whisper. ********** “Pardon?” He said something, but I don’t think I heard him right. ********* Dammit! I did it again! How do I keep letting these things slip?! “Nothing!” *********** I re-shelf the book and sit again. I pick up my notebook and jot down a few words. He seems upset, so hoping to alleviate some of his quite obvious tension, I ask, “Does _your_ name mean anything, Daisuke?” ************* “Daisuke means big help. Motomiya means true shrine.” She nods and turns to a fresh page in her notebook. She must have noticed me tense up, because she hands it to me, rather than writing on it. *********** He looks at me, puzzled. “Your name is Japanese, right?” He nods, still looking confused. “Can you write it for me? In Kanji?” He shrugs and begins writing. Within a few moments, he is done and hands it back to me. “Thank you, Daisuke. I’ve always loved the way Kanji looks. It’s so exquisite.” He shrugs yet again. ************** She closes her notebook and puts it on the end table along with the pen. “Is it true?” she asks. “What?” I ask, confused. What is she talking about? “Your name. Are you a big help?” ************** He gets a sad look on his face and turns away. He shakes his head slightly. “No. I just get in the way,” he mumbles. *********** She tilts her head to the side and I know she wants me to continue talking. And even though I don’t want to talk about it, I guess deep down, maybe I do want to tell her, because I can’t stop the words from spilling out. “I... I always had to be the one in charge, you know? And I was always messing up. They didn’t need me! They didn’t even _want_ me!” ***************** Even though the sadness of my patients is nothing new to me, my heart nearly breaks to hear him say that. “Who didn’t want you?” I ask him quietly. **************** “The digidestined!” Her brow furrows. “Digidestined?” she asks. Aw, dammit, I did it again! “Uh, a club,” I explain. She nods and I go on. “They needed my help, but I was afraid, and then when I wasn’t afraid, I was being stupid. They think I’m a jerk and they hate me and Kari’s always teasing me and Matt’s nicer to my sister than he is to me, even though she’s stalking him and I just wanna be his friend!” ************** “Who are Kari and Matt?” I ask him. “Are they a part of the, uh, digidestined?” He nods. “What does Kari tease you about?” ************ I stare at the ground. “I like her. Well, I used to.” *********** “Why don’t you tell me about her?” I ask, discreetly reaching for my notebook. **************** “She’s my age, 11, and she’s really skinny and she has short hair.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see her going for the notebook, but I don’t even care anymore. ************* I see him watch me pick up the notebook. He doesn’t seem to care. “Is she pretty?” I ask, hoping to get him to continue. He’s starting to open up to me. If he just keeps talking, maybe we can figure out his problem. ************ “Yeah, she’s pretty. But she’s really mean sometimes. She always makes me feel like an idiot. Sometimes I’m not even sure why I liked her.” Doctor McKenzie, er, Lorelei looks at me as if to say, “Are you sure you don’t know why?” I don’t even want to think about it, so I just shut up and look around the room, trying to distract myself from my thoughts. ***************** I decide to go in another direction with our talk, since he apparently won’t go any further talking about this Kari girl. “Your mother says you’ve been suspended from school for a week.” *********** I look at her funny. “Yeah. What’s that have to do with anything?” **************** “_Does_ it have anything to do with anything?” He shrugs and looks away. “Why were you suspended, Daisuke?” ***************** I stare out her window. ********************** He won’t look at me anymore. Daisuke is silent for a long time. I don’t say anything either. He’ll talk when he’s ready. Carol turns on the intercom and announces that our session is over. Daisuke stands to go. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?” He nods and walks out. I shake my head and sigh. How can I reach him if he won’t reach back? Ten minutes later, the door opens and my 1:30 walks in, closing the door behind him. Ken Ichijouji lies down on my couch. ********************* "Konnichiwa, McKenzie-sama," I greet her. She smiles. “I’ve told you time and time again, call me Lorelei.” I give her a weak smile in return. “What seems to be the problem, Ken?” she asks me. “Isn’t the medication working?” **************** “No, it’s fine," he assures me. “I just.... I hurt someone. A dear friend. And I feel horrible about it, but he won’t listen long enough to let me apologize." He sighs. “I suppose you’ll want to know exactly what happened.” ************ “Well, that would help. I can’t solve a problem --” I cut her off mid sentence. “I know, I know. ‘I can’t solve a problem if you won’t tell me what it is’.” *********** I laugh at his impression of me. “You know me too well. So what happened?” ********** “Well,” I begin, “my friend had a crush on this girl for a really long time, and we thought it would be funny to play a joke on him, so we switched places.” Lorelei looks at me oddly. “She and I kinda look alike. We’re both really skinny and the same height and we have virtually the same haircut. All we had to do was dye her hair navy blue, like mine, and dye my hair brown like hers and dress up as each other.” Lorelei nods and scribbles in her notebook. “And, well, our trick worked.... a little _too_ well.” I blush slightly as I continue. “Our friend started hitting on _me_, cause he thought I was _her_.... and... I started flirting with him.... and then he found out it was me.... and he got angry. _Really_ angry. He hit me. Got suspended for fighting at school.” ******* “Wait a second,” I interrupt, slightly confused. “I thought you didn’t go to school with any of your friends.” “I took Kari’s place. I went to her school and she went to mine,” he explains. Aha. It makes more sense now. “Oh, I see. Please, continue.” Wait a second... Kari? Isn’t that the girl.... No, it’s not the same girl. It couldn’t be... ***************** “Well, anyway,” I continue, “he got suspended for fighting, Kari and I got in trouble for ditching and switching, and he won’t talk to either of us or any of our friends. I just want to apologize, but he won’t listen.” “Can you blame him?” Lorelei asks me. “Not really. We were pretty cruel. He’s been chasing her for months, and then I dress up as her and flirt with him and he realizes it isn’t her... It must have broken his heart, to think he had a chance with Kari and then realize it was only me. I really hurt him. I should have thought about how he’d feel.” “Why didn’t you?” she asks, genuinely interested. “I wasn’t thinking about him. Only me. I...” *************** He stops, afraid to go on. I have a pretty good idea of what he will say, but I want to hear him say it, not just admit it if I ask him. “I took an oath, Ken. Nothing you say leaves this room, unless keeping it a secret places you or someone else in danger. You know you can trust me,” I reassure him. ****************** “I.... I wasn’t thinking about his feelings. I just wanted him to look at me the way he looks at her. I wasn’t flirting with him to hurt him, I was flirting with him because for the first time, I _could_!..... I didn’t want to hurt him...” ******************** A tear runs down Ken’s face. I hand him a tissue. We sit there in silence for what seems like hours. “You know what you should do, right?” I ask him. ********************** I nod, wiping the tears from my eyes. “I have to tell him, don’t I?” Lorelei nods. ************************* “That’s probably your best option, though I would wait a while until he’s less upset. If he was ever really your friend, I think he’ll try to understand. He may not like it, but he’ll probably forgive you once he knows the whole story.” Ken looks at me, his eyes filled with sorrow. *************** “What if he doesn’t? What if he hates me now?” I ask her, nearly bursting into tears again. ***************** “I don’t know, Ken. I’m sorry to say I don’t always have the answers.” We sit there, neither of us speaking. The silence is, to use a cliched oxymoron, deafening. Neither of us says anything until Carol notifies us that our time is up. “Please let me know how it works out, Ken.” He gives me a tiny smile and nods. “Remember, I’m always here if you need me. Why don’t you come back tomorrow and we’ll talk some more. 2 o’clock okay?” ***************** I nod to her and leave wordlessly. ****************** The rest of the day is a blur of activity, and I’m so busy, I almost forget about the similarities in Ken and Daisuke’s stories. _Almost_. For some reason, I’m convinced that they do, indeed, mean the exact same Kari. In which case, my sessions with Daisuke are going to get much more complicated. I have to make sure not to mention anything he didn’t specifically tell me, otherwise, he may get suspicious, which would definitely hinder our progress. Oy vei. It’s stuff like this that almost makes me wish I had majored in risk management. ********************* It’s 12:30, and once again, I’m in Doctor Mc-- I mean, Lorelei’s office, lying on her couch. She seems kinda weird today. ******************* Daisuke’s looking at me funny again. I must be acting edgy. Why, oh, why didn’t I major in risk management? I offer him a candy bar, but today he refuses it. I tear the wrapper off and take a bite. My hand is trembling. Get ahold of yourself, girl! You’re a professional. Act like one! “So, Daisuke, how are you today?” ******************* “I’m okay. Are you?” I ask, gesturing to her still-shaking hand. She looks at her hand and quickly puts it behind her back. She chuckles a little and mutters something about too much caffeine. ************************* “So, Daisuke, I was wondering if you’d tell me why you got suspended.” He looks away. “Can’t you just ask the school?” he asks sullenly. “I’d rather hear it from you.” “Fighting,” he mutters. “Fighting?” I ask. “With who?” *********************** I close my eyes and mumble, “Ichijouji Ken.” Lorelei gasps and then coughs. I look up at her. She clears her throat. “Sorry. The chocolate bar got stuck in my windpipe.” I nod and stare at the ceiling again. She’s mumbling something now. Sounds like “risk management”, whatever that is. *************************** I try to regain my composure. “So why were you two fighting?” I look at my chocolate bar longingly, but put it away instead of having another bite; it’s best not to tempt fate. ***************************** Well, I guess the sooner I tell her, the sooner I can go home. What the hell. If she wants to know, I may as well tell her. “He and Kari played a joke on me. They switched places and I thought I was flirting with Kari, but it was Ken and he was flirting back, just to make me look stupid.” “Are you sure that’s why he did it?” she asks me. “What? Why else _would_ he do it?” ************************ Damn, Lorelei, way to keep your confidentiality oath. “I don’t know. Maybe he thought you’d think it was funny.” Oooh, nice save, Lorelei. He’s not gonna see through that. God, third graders can lie better than I can! Daisuke snorts. “Yeah, it’s real funny to trick your friend into hitting on another guy.” “Is he sorry?” Daisuke shrugs. “I guess so,” he answers. “Maybe you should talk to him about it.” He sits up and yells at me, “NO!!!” ************************ Lorelei is looking at me strangely. I realize I was shouting. “Sorry.” “It’s alright,” she assures me. “I’ve had lots of patients who scream a lot more than you do. Why are you so dead-set against speaking to him?” I clench my jaw and refuse to answer. “No one will ever hear what you tell me. It’s our secret, I promise, and whatever your reason is, it won’t be the first time I’ve heard it, and it won’t be the last. Why won’t you talk to him?” I still won’t answer her. “So what if you mistook him for Kari? It’s no reason for you to be embarrassed.” “I didn’t!” ************************* Why is he shouting again? “You didn’t what?” “I didn’t mistake him!” he screams at me. “I knew! I knew it was him! Are you happy now?! Huh?! Is that what you wanted to hear?! I knew! I knew! I knew it was Ken and I hit on him anyway! I --” abruptly, he stops screaming and his rage gives way to tears. I slide the tissue box along the floor. It stops at his feet and he grabs one and dries his eyes. “Why?” I ask him quietly. “Because I _could_,” he mumbles into the tissue. “I realized a long time ago I didn’t like Kari anymore but I couldn’t like _Ken_. I couldn’t like another guy. It’s not acceptable. I _knew_ it wasn’t Kari flirting with me, but I didn’t care because I _wanted_ to flirt with Ken and for the first time, I _could_. But then somebody pointed out to the whole cafeteria that it wasn’t Kari, and what was I supposed to do, pretend I didn’t care? They _beat_ fags at my school, they don’t accept them! I _had_ to get angry! I _had_ to pretend I hadn’t known!” Oh. My. God. This is surreal. Is this some twisted kind of irony? I go sit on the couch with him. It’s not a very acceptable psychiatric method, but I think he needs a hug more than any words I could say. He lets his head fall on my shoulder and weeps. “Carol!” I yell. “Yes?” she replies, opening the door and giving me a warning look when she sees me holding Daisuke. “I _know_ I’m not supposed to hug the patients, but he needed one, so cut me a break, okay? I need you to call my 2 o’clock and ask him to come now.” “Now? But you’re with a patient!” “Carol, please don’t question my methods. Just call him, please.” Carol nods and closes the door as she exits. I hear her mutter, “You don’t pay me enough for this.” For what? Making a phone call? How much could that be worth? *************************** “Who’s your 2 o’clock?” I ask. My voice is muffled because my face is smooshed against her shoulder. “Someone with a problem similar to yours. I think you could benefit from hearing his story. And I’m sure he’d love to hear what you have to say, if you’re willing to share your problem.” I pull away. “No! I can’t!” “Okay! Okay, calm down. You don’t have to tell him, but I think it might be a good idea to tell him your story.” ****************************** He’s shaking his head no again. “Alright, Daisuke, don’t tell him. That’s fine. But promise me you’ll listen to his story, okay?” He nods. “I’m glad you were able to open up to me, Daisuke. Don’t you feel better now that you’ve admitted it?” He reluctantly agrees with me. “I think there’s still one more thing you have to do before you I can consider you mentally stable.” He raises an eyebrow. ***************************** Is she gonna say what I think she’s gonna say? “You need to tell him, Daisuke.” Yup, she said it. ******************************** “If you don’t tell him, it’s just going to keep bothering you and it’ll mess with your head until you finally admit your feelings to him,” I continue. “And --” I am cut off by the intercom. “He’s here. Shall I send him in?” “Yes, thank you,” I call. “Now, Daisuke, promise you won’t freak out...” ************************* Why would I freak out? I hear the door open and I turn around. It’s Ken! What the hell is Ken doing here? She can’t possibly expect me to tell him! ************************* What the hell is Daisuke doing here? Does Lorelei think I’m ready to tell him? No way, I’m leaving! *************************** “Ichijouji Ken, shut the door and sit down right now! Don’t even think about leaving!” “How’d you know I was gonna leave?” he asks, sitting in my chair. “You had that ‘Oh, shit! Run! Get out while you still can!’ look on your face.” Ken smiles briefly, but his expression quickly turns serious again. “So..?” he asks. “So you two need to talk.” “Lorelei, I can’t talk to him --” he protests. Daisuke snorts. “Would it help if you were dressed up as Kari?” he sneers at Ken. “No, cause then you’d be too busy hitting on me to listen!” Daisuke makes a fist and lunges at him, but I catch him and pull him back to the couch before he can do any damage. “Look, the two of you need to talk. Not fight. Talk. I’m going to leave the room for ten minutes. When I come back, you will not be fighting. You will not have been fighting. You will have been talking. And if you do fight, I will see to it that you are both castrated, is that clear?” They both nod and I leave. On my way out the door, I hear Daisuke whisper, “What does ‘castrated’ mean?” *********************** Why is Ken laughing at me? “What does it mean?” I ask again. ************************* “Well,” I explain, “it’s like a circumcision, but much worse.” Daisuke still looks confused. He’s so clueless, it’s adorable! “Uh, well, did you ever hear of Lorena Bobbit?” He starts to shake his head, but then his eyes grow really wide and he falls off the couch. Yeah, I think he’s heard of her. ************************* Dear Lord, no! That’s it, I’m throwing all the sharp objects in this room out the window! *************************** I can’t help but laugh at him. He’s so cute when he panics. “Aren’t you gonna help me?” he yells. *************************** Ken’s laughing at me again. But it’s not mean laughter, not like when Kari teases me, not like the kids in the cafeteria were laughing. He’s not making fun of me like everyone else does. He has a nice laugh...... Get a grip, Daisuke. You’re gonna start drooling. **************************** He’s staring at me. ************************ He saw me staring at him. *************************** “Daisuke,” I begin, “I’m sorry. I -- I took the joke too far. I shouldn’t have made you think you had a chance with Kari and then break your heart again.” ************************** What? What? Does he think _that’s_ why I was angry? *************************** Why’s Daisuke looking at me like that? Did I grow another arm or something? ************************** “You think that’s why I was mad?” I ask him. “I knew I didn’t have a chance with Kari. And I knew you weren’t Kari.” Ken looks surprised. “Oh, come on, I’m not _that_ clueless.” “But then why -- why did you still flirt with me?” I can’t respond to Ken’s question. I can’t say the words I long to say. All I can do is stare into his eyes and hope he knows what I mean. ****************************** The realization slowly hits me. “You’re gay,” I whisper, awed that he was like me. Daisuke laughs. “And they think _I’m_ slow to catch on.” “So you --” “Like guys? Yeah.” “Like me.” He nods. “Yeah, Ken. I like you.” “No,” I say. Daisuke seems taken aback. “Not a question. Not ‘do you like me?’. I mean, you’re gay... like me.” Hesitantly, I step forward. He moves his lips to meet mine and gives me a soft, chaste kiss that seems full of promise of more (less chaste) kisses to come. When we pull apart, Daisuke grins like an idiot. I have no doubt that the same grin is on my face as well.