**NOTES: You wanted a romantic Xellos?  You wanted more senseless comedy?  You wanted a lemon?  You got it!  (Although not necessarily in that order... >P)

Now, then... In response to the reviewer who begged me to send someone to save Zelgadis... Sorry, babes, but he was fucked from the get-go.  In response to the readers who won't read this story solely because of yaoi content... Suck my left toenail, you dendrophiliacs.  In response to the people who will read this and flame me for putting Xellos and Zelgadis in bed together... ::extends middle finger for viewing::   And in response to those who encouraged me to continue with this tale... Doomo arigatou and aishiteru!  ^_~V  This is for Courtney, because she lent me money so I could get food at the mall...**

Part 3: "The Main Course"

(aka "Playing Doctor")

Feeling nervous and pitiful and depressed, Zelgadis gave up screaming.   If he woke everyone else up with his yelling, and they asked what he and Xellos were doing... he shuddered inside.  The fact that the priest was floating him back to his room and dragging him by a dog collar and leash was bound to make the others ask some questions... hell, it made him ask some questions.

Trying hard to keep himself from shrieking like a girl, he said: "Take me back to my room, you fr--"

"I know, I know!"  Xellos cheerfully nodded.   "I'll take you to your room, put you in bed, and then return to my own room.   I promise not to touch you after I leave you there.  Deal?"

"What about before we get there?"

The naughty priest gave him a pinch on the rear.  "Nothing from now on."

Zelgadis squeaked.  "Just shut up, take me to my room, and keep your damn hands off me!"

"Oh, you're such a worrywart," the mazoku said airily, giving Zel a tug on the leash.  "You need to relax."  Still, he shut up, leaving the shaman to his thoughts.

What is he going to do to me?  Is he really going to leave me alone?  Could I stop him if he stayed?... No, I need my hands to work my magic, and I can't move.  What if I'm completely defenseless and...  He turned red and tilted his head back to keep the blood in his nose.

What if I like it?

He blinked rapidly.  No, I did not just think that...

"Here we are!" Xellos said, opening the door of the other man's room.  "I'll just tuck you into bed and leave you be..."  He undid the dog collar and tucked it into his robe, then levitated Zel over the bed and released him.

"Xellos, not so--"

CRASH!

"Uh-oh," Xel observed.

Zelgadis's body had dropped like--well, like a stone--and broke the bed in half.  The pissed-off chimera lay in a pile of stuffing, springs, sheets, and splintered planks.  He looked mad enough to set the ruins of his bed (and a certain priest, most likely) on fire using nothing but his evil glare.  "--fast," he growled, completing his sentence.  "If you have anything you'd like to tell the others, you'd best do it tonight.  I'm going to kill you in the morning."

"You can try," Xel replied, smiling.  "But I can't just leave you here, laying in a pile of kindling... I know!  How about you stay in my room tonight?"

"How about I bite your head off?"

"There'll be plenty of time for kinkiness later.  Honestly, Zel-chan, can't we get to know each other first?"

"What?  What are you--NO!"  He struggled fruitlessly as Xellos once again levitated his paralyzed body.  "No kinkiness!  No--ah, shit..."  He gave up as his stone carcass was floated out the door.   "Gods, give me strength..."

Once inside Xellos's room, Zelgadis was lowered onto the bed.  The priest quickly tucked the blankets around the shaman and fluffed his pillows a little.   Once he assured himself that Zel was comfortable, he tucked his staff under the bed and started to shed his clothing.

"What do you think you're doing?" Zel asked.

"Getting ready for bed."

"I... thought mazoku don't sleep," he said, getting nervous.

"Oh, we don't.  But we do need periods of relaxation and mediation."  Now free of his outer robes, he removed his shirt.  As it dropped to the floor, Zel found himself gazing at Xel's perfect body... but the mazoku continued to chatter, not noticing the attention he was getting.  "Even I need a little rest every now and then... It helps to--Zelgadis, do you have a nosebleed?"

The chimera was attempting to bury his head in his pillow.   "NO!" he yelled, his voice muffled.

Xellos felt a little thrill.  He never thought he could elicit such a reaction from the cold-hearted chimera... "You are!  You're such a little ecchi!   I am shocked and appalled at your behavior!"

"Noooooooo!"

"For shame, Zelgadis!"  He sat down on the bed and used a corner of the sheets to wipe the blood from Zel's nose.  "There, all the evidence is gone.  Don't worry, your secret's safe with me!"

"Fruitcake--" Zelgadis started.

Xellos abruptly wiggled under the sheets.  He wrapped his arms around Zelgadis's waist, entwined his legs with the chimera's, and lay there directly on top of him, staring into his eyes.

For a moment, Zel believed that he was going to explode.  When he found his voice (and his rationality) again, he stammered: "What... are you... doing?!"

"Getting comfortable."  The smile on Xellos's face was wistful.  "Can't meditate while I'm uncomfortable, can I?"

"And I can't sleep with a damned mazoku lying on top of me!"

"Why?  Does my body distract you that much?"

"NO!"  Zelgadis was beyond blushing; he skipped over red, and instead turned purple.  "But it's hard to sleep with someone leeching all over you!"

"You'll get used to it.  It just takes some practice."   The evil priest snuggled against Zel's chest.  "You don't get touched very often, do you?"

Zelgadis didn't respond.  If he ignored the purple-haired baka, maybe he'd go away... He firmly shut his eyes and didn't move.

"Zelgadis?  Zelgadis?  Zel?  Zel?  Zel?   Zel?  Is you asleep, Zel-chan?"  He flicked at one of the scales on the chimera's face.  Still getting no response, he tilted his head up and gave Zelgadis a short, chaste kiss on the lips.  Zel's eyes immediately went wide, and he made a "MMPH!" noise against Xellos's mouth.

Xel pulled away, that wistful smile back in place.  "Just making sure you didn't fall asleep on me.  Are you going to answer my question?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll mock me and use it against me somehow."

"No.  I won't."  There was conviction in his voice that could not be refuted.  "I'm good at keeping secrets."

Zelgadis sighed.  Ignoring Xellos was like taking a piss in the ocean; it didn't make a damn bit of difference and wouldn't stop the tide.  "No, I'm not."

"I don't see why that should be so."

He snorted.  "Don't you?  You must need glasses."

"You're not ugly, Zelgadis.  There are quite a few people who would be glad to touch you, if you only let them..."

"And how do I know that?  No one ever tells me anything of the sort."

"That's because you hide among the shadows of life and give hell to anyone who disturbs your loneliness.  For instance, Amelia would gladly haul up her skirt and spread her legs for you, if you only asked."

Zelgadis nearly choked on his own tongue.  "Do you have to be so vulgar?" he groaned, trying not to laugh.

"Admit it, that was funny."

"Yes, but it doesn't prove that you have any point..."

Xellos started teasing a few wire strands of Zel's hair.  "And what would?"

"Let me see the truth in your eyes."

He stopped.  He stared at the chimera for a long moment... and slowly opened his eyes.

Violet peered into black for an endless moment of time.

"I have been alive for over a thousand years," Xellos whispered.   "And I have yet to find a being more beautiful than you."

Zelgadis felt his heart wrench.  "Xellos--"

"Shut up or you'll ruin the moment," the priest said, and kissed him.  At first, Zel resisted, but suddenly relaxed into the kiss and returned it with fire.  The mazoku thoroughly worked over Zel's mouth, exploring it fully with his tongue.  Both were gasping for air by the time their lips parted, and they stared into each other's eyes, as if in shock.

"Are you going to leave me alone now?" Zelgadis pleaded one last time, although his eyes told of a different desire.

"No," Xellos replied softly.

"Good," he whispered, closing his eyes.

Xellos gave him another long, heated kiss, which he abruptly broke to start kissing his way down Zel's neck.  He gave Zel a good, hard bite on the neck that earned him a groan from the other man.  When he reached the collar of Zelgadis's shirt, he simply ripped the garment off the other man's body.  Moving further down, he ran his tongue over the chimera's collarbone, then kissed his way down to the chest and latched his teeth onto one of Zel's nipples.

Zelgadis's body wanted to arch, and his hips wanted to thrust, but they remained immobile.  He gasped as waves of new sensations radiated from wherever Xel's hands and mouth strayed.  He was starting to feel a tightness wind up inside his body, a feeling of hot pleasure that was about to kill him.

Xellos moved lower still, kissing, licking, grazing with his nails and his teeth.  In one fluid motion, he relieved Zelgadis of his pants.  The chimera was crying out his name, begging him to hurry up and finish.  The mazoku traced down Zel's lower abdomen with his lips until he reached his final destination.  With the utmost of care, he took Zelgadis into his mouth.

This time, Zel didn't groan; he screamed.  He threw back his head and cried out Xellos's name loud enough to wake the entire hotel.  This was too much, the world was fire and he was going to burn to death--

--And then, seconds from his climax, Xellos released him.  The purple-haired priest sat up, stretched, yawned, and lay down next to Zelgadis.

The chimera stared at him in shock and broken lust.  "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STOPPING?!"

"Well, you've been telling me to stop and leave you alone the entire evening," Xellos said cheerfully.  "I decided that I should listen to you.   After all, it is your birthday.  Good night!"  He rolled over and snuggled down into the sheets.

Zelgadis looked down at the evidence of his unsatisfaction, and burst into tears.