Everything You Want by: the Princess

BEFORE:
OK, you know the drill. I don't own any of the characters within or Fushigi Yuugi, even if I get my name legally changed to Yuu Watase. As usual with my Fushigi Yuugi fanfics, this takes place in a sort of limbo, though if pressed, I'd say it was early on...when Nuriko, Hotohori, Tamahome and Miaka are the only major seishi/mikos yet. Don't sue or my dad will kill me. You think I'm joking? Anyhowz, there's shounen-ai in here, since I like that sort of thing. You're gonna get a shock if you don't know the meaning of that word by now. The song lyrics are from Vertical Horizon's "Everything You Want", as anyone who's conscious and has a radio knows, and I'm using these without permission, too. See above note about suing. In the fic, the lyrics apply alternately to Miaka or Hotohori, depending on the sitation and events. Lastly but not leastly, this is dedicated to my buddy Chibi Pork Rinds, who's almost as bad of a hentai as me. Almost. X_X;;

***

(Somewhere there's speaking

It's already coming in

Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind

You never could get it

Unless you were fed it

Now you're here and you don't know why)

OK, so Nuriko was spying. He knew that, and openly admitted it to himself. He felt like he had a right to spy; after all, with that little vixen Miaka running around like she owned the palace... he had to protect his better interests. So he was crouched in the garden, hiding behind a flowering bush of some sort, hoping that he wouldn't be noticed by either Hotohori or Miaka. If he was caught...he'd wind up in a pretty ridiculous position. How would he ever explain why?

It was a beautiful summer's evening, with the setting sun drenching the world in a veil of blood. The air was warm and gentle and smelled like flowers and grass and water. Every concievable tree and bush in the palace gardens was in full, lustrous bloom, and the place was full of bright colors and delicate petals. He really should have been inside, seeing to whatever it is harem girls do in their spare time. But how could he, when his whole world was in this garden, speaking with that woman?

He blew a stray strand of purple hair out of his eyes. He never took his gaze from Hotohori-sama or Miaka. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but their conversation seemed to be pretty obvious. The emperor, looking so vulnerable and achingly beautiful, was smiling softly as he stared into the priestess's eyes. And that little bitch, not even realizing just what she had, continued to babble and rave on some worthless topic--most likely food. They were sitting on a stone bench next to a reflection-pool, relaxing and enjoying each other's company in the dying light of day.

But he knew exactly what was going on, even if neither one of them saw the whole picture. After all, Miaka was still clueless about how Hotohori felt, and in turn, Hotohori was clueless about how Nuriko felt. He supposed that it all evened out. He couldn't blame Miaka for being blind to the emperor's affections, not when said emperor was so blind about how much he loved him.

He could still hate her, though, and be jealous, and he did.

"God, Hotohori..." he muttered beneath his breath.

(But under skinned knees and the skid marks

Past the places where you used to learn

You howl and listen

Listen and wait for the

Echoes of angels who won't return)

Now Hori-sama was saying something to her, speaking softly, still gently smiling. She was smiling back, not understanding what was going on behind that smile, and then she laughed. This time, he heard her reply: "Hotohori, what are you talking about?" Her voice was sort of nervous. His ears perked.

He could only hear snatches of what Hotohori said next: "since I met you...alive...never met...before...so beautiful...I love you."

Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn!

Nuriko wished he hadn't heard. He wished that he was inside, like the harem girls were supposed to be. He wished that he were Miaka, or in Miaka's place; he wished more than anything that it was he on that stone bench, with those golden eyes staring into his own, hearing those words. He wished that those three words could be destroyed and never spoken again.

He wished that the tears smarting his eyes would go away on their own.

As it happened, none of his wishes would come true.

(He's everything you want

He's everything you need

He's everything inside of you

That you wish you could be

He says all the right things

At exactly the right time

But he means nothing to you

And you don't know why)

>But what will she do?< was the thought that pulsed in his brain. He knew that she had some feelings for Tamahome, but...not even someone as stupid as Miaka could resist Hotohori...could she?

>Which would be worse: to see her accept him, or to see his heart broken?<

Knowing it was selfish, he prayed for the second.

Miaka looked stricken. It was obviously *not* what she'd been expecting the emperor to say; she was dumber than she looked. Her mouth opened and shut as she stammered in search of a reply. The longer she faltered, the more pained the expression in Hotohori's eyes grew. Each second was digging into the emperor's heart like a needle, and the only thing in the world Nuriko wanted in that stretch of time was to abandon his hiding place, take Hori-sama up in his arms, and never let him go.

Finally, the priestess started to talk sense. He could only make out a few phrases: "Had no idea...flattered...Tamahome...sorry."

Hotohori nodded and quickly looked away from her. He stared off into the sunset, biting his lower lip, about to cry and trying so hard not to.

Nuriko wasn't sure whether he should be relieved or outraged. Half of him wanted to scream: "What the hell is wrong with you?! That's HOTOHORI, for God's sake! He wants you, of all people, how can you reject him!" The other half wanted to hold Hotohori and whisper in his ear, "It's all right, you don't need her, because I love you..."

Naturally, he did neither. Miaka at least had the sense to look ashamed. She mumbled some excuse and quickly walked off, leaving Hotohori alone with his anguish.

(You're waiting for someone

To put you together

You're waiting for someone to push you away

There's always another wound to discover

There's always something more you wish he'd say)

"Hotohori..." Nuriko dared to get up from his hiding place. He walked to the bench, his movements unsure and nervous. He didn't know if the emperor would welcome him, or reject him, or flat-out scream at him. And the thought scared him quite a bit.

He should have known better. Hotohori glanced up, tears glistering his magical golden eyes, and managed a smile. "Nuriko. I'm sorry...I'm not in the best of conditions now, as you can see..."

"It's all right...I don't mind." He dared to sit down next to the object of his affection. "What happened?"

>As if I don't know already.<

"I...I'd rather not talk about it, if it's all the same...I need to be alone right now, if that's all right..." The tears were now staining his cheeks, despite his efforts to control them.

Nuriko wanted to cry with him. Instead, he nodded, started to get up, and then sat back down again. "Your Majesty?"

"Yes?"

"I just want you to know...I know what it's like...to love someone who can never love me back."

Though Hotohori's eyes were filled with tears, they managed to focus on Nuriko with amazing intensity. "What do you mean?"

"I mean--" Without thinking, Nuriko showed him what he meant. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Hotohori's, infinitely gentle and wanting. The kiss was short, less than a second, but in that snatch of time, he told Hotohori everything. Then he hastily got up and ran out of the gardens, before he could see what sort of emotion was radiating from the emperor's eyes.

Nuriko spent the rest of the night in his room. At one point, he dared to look out the window. Hotohori was still sitting in the garden, on the same bench. It was night then, and the full moon cast a cobwebby light over the flowers and trees. After a minute, he also saw what the emperor was staring at: Miaka and Tamahome. The two were walking hand in hand, smiling and laughing with each other, and every once in a while pausing for a kiss.

(But you'll just sit tight

And watch it unwind

It's only what you're asking for

And you'll be just fine

With all of your time

It's only what you're waiting for)

Nuriko spent the entire day within the palace walls. He made aimless circuits around the kitchen, the guest rooms, the long, twisting hallways that all looked the same. Later on, he couldn't recall whether or not he ate anything. He avoided the eyes of everyone he met, instead focusing on his own feet. However, he couldn't avoid it when Miaka stopped him for conversation.

"Hi, Nuriko!" the priestess said, grinning happily. "How are you?"

"Fine," he replied, looking around desperately for a way around her.

"Can I ask you about something?" she said shyly, glancing around.

"Sure. What?"

"Last night...I was talking to Hotohori...and he said that he loves me."

"I know."

"You do?! How?"

"Long story. What'd you do?"

"Well..." She looked uncomfortable. She had enough brains to do that, at least. "I told him I don't feel the same."

"And you're talking to me because...why?"

"Because I don't know what to do. I don't think I did a good job at setting him down gently yesterday--"

"Damn right."

"--And I want to try to make him feel better. He's been so silent and depressed today, and I feel guilty. What should I tell him?"

"Tell him that there are hundreds of pretty girls in love with him. He'll warm up to one eventually."

"Really?" She perked. "Thanks!"

>Yes, hundreds of pretty girls...and one beautiful man. Miaka, how could you do this to him?<

(Out of the island

Into the highway

Past the places where you might have turned

You never did notice

But you still hide away

The anger of angels who won't return)

Nuriko only saw the emperor once that entire day. It was towards the evening, after his talk with Miaka. He was making another trip around the advisor's chambers, and Hotohori-sama was coming out of one of their rooms. When he saw his beloved, he stopped dead in his tracks and tried not to show how pleased he was. "Hello," he whispered, his voice husky and shaky.

>What will he do?<

Hotohori glanced at him, and also stopped. The look on his face was one of fear and confusion, not what Nuriko had always prayed to see. They stared into each other's eyes for a full thirty seconds, then the emperor briskly nodded and continued his walk down the hallway.

He made it to his chambers before the tears came in earnest.

(I am everything you want

I am everything you need

I am everything inside of you

That you wish you could be

I say all the right things

At exactly the right time

But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why)

~*OWARI*~