Realization
By Kira

     "Jeez~!"
     He sat up quickly, sweat streaming down his face, drenching his clothes. A small gasp escaped his lips and he shook his head, trying to ignore the pulsing pain in his right leg. Swinging himself off the edge of the bed, he stood up and drifted over to the window, staring at the moon as it rose above the clouds.
     "THAT was disturbing…wonder what that was about," he mumbled to himself. Suddenly the door burst open.
     "NURI!" shrieked a young girl. "What's wrong?"
     "Korin?" Nuriko turned to look at her, startled. "But…"
     "Did you have a bad dream?" She came over and took his hand, leading him back to his bed. "Lay down. That's it…everything's all right."
     Nuriko closed his eyes. "But…Korin's been dead for years…" he muttered. The thought hit home and he jerked upward. "You're dead!"
     He looked to where Korin should have been, but saw Nakago holding his hand instead, grinning.
     "OH DEAR GOD GET AWAY GET AWAY GET AWAY YOU SICK--"
     "NURIKO!"
     "What?!?" Nuriko sat up and looked into Hotohori's eyes. "H-Highness!"
     "I was passing by your room and heard you screaming. Are you all right?" Hotohori's eyes flashed with concern.
     "It…it's nothing," Nuriko shuddered. "What are you doing up in the middle of the night, your Highness?"
     "I couldn't sleep," Hotohori replied simply, averting his gaze. Nuriko looked at him quizzically for a moment, then let the matter drop.
     "Well, I guess I'll go back to sleep," Nuriko said, faking a yawn.
     Hotohori played with a fold in his robe. "Um…Nuriko?" he started as Nuriko snuggled underneath his covers.
     "Yes?" he replied, yawning for real.
     "Would you mind…if I…stayed in your room for the rest of the night?" Hotohori blushed. "I know it sounds childish, but I can't sleep by myself lately. I miss everyone."
     "Yeah, me too." Nuriko's thoughts wandered to the rest of the Suzaku Seishi. He was the only one who had remained in the emperor's court after Miaka summoned Suzaku. The others had gone their separate ways, no longer needed. He shook his head and turned his thoughts toward the situation at hand.
     "Sure, you can stay with me. I won't mind." Secretly, Nuriko's thoughts were WAY beyond sleeping…
     Hotohori slid into the large bed and laid his head on a pillow, ignoring the covers. Nuriko covered him after he was asleep and leaned against the back of the bed, thinking.
     A few hours passed and Nuriko woke, rubbing his eyes in the dark. He had no idea when he had finally fallen asleep. Looking over at Hotohori, he saw perfectly-smoothed blankets with a small folded paper on top. Curious, he reached over and unfolded it, reading the scrolling handwriting.

     "Nuriko,
          Thank you for letting me stay with you tonight. It made me feel better, 
          less sad about the others being gone. Please accept my gratitude.
                                                                                          Sincerely,
                                                                                                     Hotohori

      Nuriko smiled, feeling happier than he had in days. He rolled out of bed and smoothed the blankets, then walked outside to look at the stars. He grinned when he saw his constellation next to all the others.
     "I miss you guys…" he sighed, leaning on the railing. "I hope you come back soon…"
     "I hope so too, no da!"
     "Huh?" Nuriko turned around and saw Chichiri smiling at him, holding his mask in one hand. "Chichiri!" He leaped forward for a hug and Chichiri let him, still smiling.
     "I missed you too, Nuriko-kun. How have you been, no da?"
     "Sad without all of you here," Nuriko replied truthfully. "It's quiet here without everyone."
     "I've been around for awhile…but I never could find you to say hi."
     "You know where I sleep! You could’ve woken me up," Nuriko said grumpily.
     "Hai, what do you think I was doing in the middle of the night, no da?" Chichiri sighed. "I was also trying to find Emperor Hotohori. Any idea where he could be?"
     "Well, he was with me a few hours ago…but since then I don't know." Nuriko frowned. "Have you checked his room?"
     "Yes…it looked as though no one had been in there for days." Chichiri shrugged. "I guess he could be in the throne room, no da…" He wandered off, mumbling to himself about something. Nuriko shook his head and headed back into his room, heading for bed. He stopped short of the bed, looking at the hunched form sitting next to it.
     "Who's there?" Nuriko asked tentatively, slightly scared.
     "It's me."
     "Hoto--I mean, Highness?" Nuriko started.
     "Please…don't call me that…" Hotohori raised his head and Nuriko saw that his eyes were red-rimmed, as though he had been crying.
     "Are you all right?" Startled, Nuriko headed over to him and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. "Highness?…"
     "I said not to call me that!" Hotohori buried his head in Nuriko's chest, his body wracked with sobs. Nuriko smoothed hair from his face, allowing him to soak his shirt with tears.
     "What's wrong?" he asked quietly, becoming worried.
     "I…I don't know…everything's just…everyone…" Hotohori could barely speak, he was crying so hard. "Everyone's…I miss…gone…"
     "I know…but Chichiri's here," Nuriko whispered, smiling. "He even said 'no da' like old times…"
     "Good…" Hotohori let out a small laugh, almost a giggle. "I miss that man…what about the others?" he asked, beginning to calm down.
     "I don't know…they may be around. Chichiri found me, actually."
     "That's wonderful…" Hotohori sniffed and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "Nuriko…could you help me into bed?"
     "Of course, your High--I mean, Hotohori." Nuriko took his arms and helped him to his feet, trying to save his own strength since he was tired. He laid Hotohori in his bed and covered him, almost sitting on the letter. He quickly grabbed it, but Hotohori saw it.
     "Is that…?"
     "Yes…the letter you wrote me tonight," Nuriko replied, smiling to himself.
     "That's right…now I owe you two favors…since I'm here again…"
     "Please, Hotohori. It's really my pleasure to help you. I'm here for anything, you know that."
     "Yes…I know that…" Hotohori smiled. "Anything, eh?…sounds… " He began to drift into sleep. "Sounds…exciting…"
     "That's my life…exciting," Nuriko sighed, watching as Hotohori's eyelids fluttered shut and his breathing evened out. 

*     *     *

     "Nuriko?"
     Nuriko stirred, trying to get comfortable. He had been watching Hotohori sleep all night and had been sitting on a chair, rather awkwardly. His eyes opened and found Tasuki staring at him, sunlight streaming through the doorway.
     "Tasuki!" Nuriko jumped up. "I've missed you!" He tried to give him a hug, but Tasuki stepped back just in time and Nuriko fell face-forward to the ground.
     "I've missed you too, but not that much, buddy," Tasuki grinned, helping Nuriko to his feet. He brushed himself off.
     "What are you doing here?"
     "I was with Chichiri…just figured I'd stop by and see how everyone was doing," Tasuki replied. "What's Hotohori doing in your bed?"
     Nuriko looked over and saw Hotohori still fast asleep. "It's a long story…so how have you been?"
     "Tasuki?" Hotohori raised his head with a smile. "It's been awhile," he muttered sleepily.
     "Yes…I'm sorry, your Highness…I've been traveling with Chichiri…glad to be here though," Tasuki told him, a true smile lighting his face.
     "Good…" Hotohori rolled out of the bed, rubbing his red, puffy eyes. He shuffled out of the room to greet the day as Tasuki sat on Nuriko's now-empty bed and stretched.
     "So…what's going on between you two?" he asked bluntly.
     "Nice to see you've learned some manners," Nuriko scolded. "Nothing's going on. He was crying last night…I just kept him company."
     "And I found you with your clothes on. That's a surprise, seeing as--"
     "SHUT UP!" Nuriko smacked Tasuki.
     "WHAT?" he yelled, annoyed. "It's TRUE! EVERYONE knows about you and Hotohori!"
     "Everyone but HOTOHORI!" Nuriko screeched.
     "Oh, he knows…" Tasuki yawned.
     "…What?"
     "What, you really thought that Hotohori didn't find out about your feelings for him eventually? Jeez, you fawned over him every time you two were even NEAR each other…"
     "Tasuki…"
     "EVERYONE knows about you two. You threw yourself on him every time Miaka dumped him. And God knows how many times THAT was…"
     "You'd better shut up…" Nuriko's fists flexed and clenched together.
     "Hotohori doesn't know…damn, how naïve do you have to be, man? I mean, come on! I swear, sometimes you're so obsessed you just can't see what's already been seen…if that makes any sense…"
     "Tasuki--"
     "I'm just saying you're stupid, you know? Or should I say 'no da' since Chichiri knows as well?" Tasuki looked up just in time to see Nuriko bringing his fist towards his stomach. He got an 'eep' out before Nuriko smacked him into oblivion, destroying the roof of the room while he was at it.
     "You stupid bandit…" Nuriko brushed himself off and turned around, smacking into Hotohori.
     "Nuriko, is that true?"
     "Is--is what true?" Nuriko stammered, completely caught off-guard.
     "You know…about…well, us…"
     "Um, well, it's not like that, you see, Hotohori, it's like--"
     "What's it like then?" Hotohori's eyes flashed innocence.
     "Duh…"
     "Come on. You can tell me anything, Nuriko-san." Hotohori smiled, addressing the man by his true title--he was, after all, a little older than Hotohori.
     "Well…"
     "Nuriko—"
     "I love you, Hotohori!" Nuriko clapped a hand over his mouth, not believing that he just said that. A blush screamed through his cheeks, turning him entirely red.
     "You…" Now it was Hotohori's turn to be shocked. "You…love…me…"
     Nuriko smiled. "Yes…I always have…"
     "I always thought it was a game…a silly infatuation…since you were pretending to be a girl and all…"
     "No, Hotohori. I've always truly, truly loved you." Now that it was in the open, Nuriko had nothing to be shy about.
     Hotohori looked away, seeming embarrassed. A slight blush crept up and sprinkled across his nose. “Well…I mean…”
     Nuriko sighed. “No. You shouldn’t have to say anything. I’m sorry I brought it up. I shouldn’t have, it was a mist—”
     “NO!”
     Nuriko looked at Hotohori. His shoulders were shaking and Nuriko saw that he was crying. “Hotohori…”
     “It’s not that I don’t appreciate it…it’s just…” Hotohori looked at him. “Well…Miaka and I…I know we don’t have anything, and I know she’s with Tamahome now, but…there’s always going to be feelings for her, you know? I’ll never forget her…”
     Nuriko nodded slowly. “I understand.” He reached out and took Hotohori’s hand, cradling it in both of his. “But you have to try to understand something,” he began. “How you feel about Miaka is how I feel about you. You’ve loved her for as long as you remember. Well, you know what? I love her too, but in a different way. She’s with Tamahome now, and we’re all going to stay very close friends for a very long time. She can’t be with you now…but I can be.”
     Hotohori turned to him and looked into Nuriko’s serious expression. “Nuriko…”
     “Please, just let me get this out. This is really hard for me.” Nuriko let go of Hotohori’s hands and wiped his eyes. “It’s just that I’ve been watching you, and I started to get scared when I realized that you didn’t know how I truly felt. I know it seems like it was all a game…but there were really feelings there, you just couldn’t see them because you were blind from loving Miaka. But…could you just give us a chance?” Nuriko’s voice had taken on a pleading tone, and he hated it, but there was no other way around his feelings. He didn’t want to run anymore.
     Looking away quickly, Hotohori sniffed, trying to control the tears that were leaking out of the corners of his eyes. “I don’t know,” he said simply. “Everything’s so confusing right now…Miaka just left, and—”
     “Stop that!” Nuriko reached out and slapped Hotohori’s cheek. Stunned, he stepped back.
     “Nuriko…” Tears began streaming down Hotohori’s face, splashing onto his robes. Nuriko brought his hand up and stared at it, amazed that he slapped his true love. Luckily, he didn’t have all of his super-strength any longer.
     “Oh, God, Hotohori!” Nuriko dove and clutched Hotohori close to his chest. He began sobbing and hugged Hotohori over and over again. Unseen in the doorway, Tasuki folded his arms over his chest, watching the emotion pour all over the carpet.
     Hotohori tried to push Nuriko away, but Nuriko wouldn’t let go. He squeaked and Nuriko jumped, quickly letting go. Hotohori adjusted his robes, tears continuing to fall steadily. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and left towards the throne room, oblivious to Tasuki, who didn’t even bother to move.
     Nuriko remained on the floor, hugging his knees, sitting in a fetal position. He’d never felt this bad, not even when he’d seen Hotohori kissing Miaka. His vision remained cloudy as he ignored the tears cascading down his face. He continued sobbing, not caring who saw or heard him.
     A few painful moments passed and Nuriko heard someone moving outside. He lifted his head and saw a figure moving towards him through his tears. Feeling his spirits soar towards Suzaku, he jumped to his feet, crying Hotohori’s name as he embraced the figure. He placed his hands on his cheeks and kissed him deeply, squeezing his eyes shut to clear away the tears. He pulled away a moment later.
     “Hotohori! Please forgive me!”
     “I can’t.”
     Nuriko blinked, his vision still blurry. That didn’t sound like Hotohori’s gentle voice…
     Tasuki looked at him, holding a hand to his lips. Not sure of what he was doing, he pulled Nuriko close and kissed him deeply, grasping Nuriko in a tight embrace. Without his strength, Nuriko couldn’t pull away. He let himself go, refusing to believe that it wasn’t Hotohori.
     They pulled away and Nuriko moved to the bed, rubbing his eyes. Taking that as a cue, Tasuki pulled off his shirt and moved towards Nuriko, a smile taking over his face. Nuriko looked up just in time to see Tasuki lying down next to him, reaching over. Nuriko leapt off the bed, beginning to panic.
     “What are you doing, Tasuki?!?” he shrieked.
     “Nuriko…” Tasuki stood up, trying to hug him again. Nuriko ran and jumped over the bed in one swift move, keeping as much distance between them as he could.
     “What’s wrong?” Tasuki asked, trying to get closer. Nuriko kept moving away.
     “What’s WRONG? Don’t you KNOW? YOU’RE NOT HOTOHORI!” Nuriko screamed, shaking his head.
     “Then what was all that?” Tasuki retorted, becoming confused.
     “I thought you were Hotohori!”
     “Couldn’t ya see me?”
     “I couldn’t see because…I was crying,” Nuriko admitted, beginning to feel stupid.
     Tasuki reached for his shirt. “Fine, I don’t need this. I finally show you how I feel, and this is how you treat me. Now I know how you feel about Hotohori.” He turned away before Nuriko could see his tears and ran out the door, dropping his shirt in the hallway. Nuriko looked away, trying to focus his emotions. He walked out the door, fighting with his conscience. Images of Hotohori and Tasuki filled his mind.
     “Watch where you’re going, no da!”
     Nuriko spun away just before slamming into Chichiri. Chichiri glanced after him and watched him walk away, then decided to figure out what was going on.
     “Nuriko-kun!”
     Nuriko kept walking. Chichiri caught up with him and grabbed his arm. “Nuriko! What’s wrong?”
     “I love Hotohori!” he blurted out, fresh tears starting. “Tasuki loves me! Hotohori hates me! I hate myself…”
     Chichiri blinked. “Can you start at the beginning?” He tried to sound supportive, but it was hard because he was so confused.
     Nuriko sat on the floor in the hallway, hugging his knees. “I told Hotohori that I loved him and he didn’t know what to say and so he left and I was sitting on the floor crying when I saw someone come in and I thought it was Hotohori so I kissed him and it turns out it was Tasuki and them he started hitting on me and he kissed me back and admitted that he loved me and I blew him off and so he ran away and here I am!” Nuriko wailed, running out of breath towards the end.
     Chichiri sighed. “Wow, no da…”
     “Wow? That’s all you can say?” Nuriko cried.
     “I’m sorry, no da…it’s just that I don’t know what to say. Your situation is very unique, no da…”
     “Don’t you have ANY advice?” Nuriko sniffed, trying to control his crying.
     Chichiri thought for a moment. “Well, you should decide who you care for…and go talk to them. That’s all you can do right now, no da. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.” He bowed and walked away.
     Nuriko stood up and headed for the throne room. He peeked inside and saw Hotohori sitting in the corner. About to head over, he noticed that Hotohori was holding something. He looked closer and saw that it was Miaka’s teddy bear she had given him before she left the palace for the first time.
     He leaned against the wall, unsure of what to do. Sighing, he turned and headed for Tasuki’s room. Tasuki’s shirt was on the floor in the hallway, so he picked it up and held it close to his face for a moment, breathing in the bandit’s scent of pine trees and burnt matches. He headed towards his room, knowing what he had to do.
     Tasuki’s sobs could be heard down the hallway from his room. Nuriko’s heart skipped a beat—he’d never heard Tasuki cry before. It broke his heart to realize he was the one who was causing Tasuki all his pain. He approached the room and stepped inside, spotting Tasuki in the shadows in the corner farthest from the doorway.
     “Tasuki?”
     He jumped, quickly wiping his eyes. He took a deep breath and turned towards the door, his bloodshot eyes blinking in the harsh sunlight. “Nuriko?…”
     “Yeah, it’s me.” Nuriko sighed. “Can I come in?”
     “…Sure.”
     Nuriko thought for a moment, then decided to go through with it. He entered the room and clutched the shirt closely to his chest, walking over to Tasuki. He knelt beside him and placed the shirt over his back. “You must be cold.”
     Tasuki shrugged. “I’m strong. I can handle it.”
     “I’m glad. I can’t.”
     Tasuki looked up at him. “What do you mean? You can handle anything.”
     Nuriko shook his head. “What a joke. I can’t protect any of you. Look at me now. I’m making you cry…and Hotohori, too.”
     “Is he…all right?…”
     “I suppose. I haven’t told him what happened. He’s having a private moment with Miaka’s teddy bear.”
     Tasuki laughed softly. “I forgot he still had that.”
     “Well, he does, and that little stuffed bear is making him feel better than I ever will,” Nuriko admitted.
     Tasuki looked at him. “Nuriko?”
     “Hmm?”
     “What are we going to do…you know…about…”
     Nuriko shook his head. “You know…I don’t have any idea.”
     Tasuki shivered, his tears having stopped. Nuriko removed his own shirt and handed it to him, and he put it on. Nuriko took Tasuki’s shirt and slung it over his head. “I can’t handle the cold either,” he joked.
     Tasuki hung his head. “I can’t accept this…it’s yours.”
     “Please. I’ve always liked your simple white cotton things you wear anyway. My robe’s too complicated. That’s why I wear that shirt.”
     Tasuki pulled it around his shoulders. “Thanks.”
     “No problem. Just give it back later.” Tasuki nodded. “Hey, Tasuki?”
     “Yeah, Nuriko?”
     Nuriko leaned forward and kissed Tasuki on the cheek, caressing his shoulder with his hand. “That’s for…everything you’ve ever done for me.”
     “What have I ever done?” Tasuki mumbled, blushing violently.
     “Making me realize that my love for Hotohori wasn’t really love. It was just an infatuation, a silly one that I took too seriously. I may have ruined my friendship with him, but you’re still here.”
     Tasuki blinked. “Do you mean…?”
     Nuriko nodded. “Can you give me another chance?”
     Tasuki looked away for a moment. “I don’t know…I mean, thinking I was Hotohori, that was pretty bad…”
     “I know.” Nuriko stood up. “I’m sorry about that. I don’t know…I just wanted to kiss him so badly…”
     A few moments of silence passed. Tasuki stood up and put his arms around Nuriko, hugging him. They fit together perfectly.
     “Was it worth it?” he whispered. Nuriko breathed in deeply, smelling trees and matches.
     “I think so.”
     They kissed deeply, falling into each other’s arms, experiencing the moment. Tasuki pulled away and grinned, his fangs flashing.
     “This is gonna be different…do you think we can manage?”
     Nuriko smiled. “I’ll show you what you need to know. It’s not that hard loving another man. I’ve been doing it for years.” He paused, thinking. “Actually, not that long. Really ever since I first journeyed into the mountains. There was this cute redhead there. He seemed like a jerk, but he really turned out to be completely different.”
     Tasuki blushed. “Don’t make me hurt you…”
     “You know you never would.”
     He sighed. “Yeah…you’re right. You’re always right.”
     Nuriko nodded. “I know,” he replied matter-of-factly. They kissed again, hugging closely in the shadows.